My Christmas Driving List
I don’t know who to address this to. The jolly fat man at the north pole has no stake in this discussion, and MN-DOT seems not to want to take me seriously. This, then, is my Christmas driving list.
- I want one of those licenses that a lot of people seem to have. It allows them to run red lights (as long as no one is in the intersection), and to blow through stop signs.
- This may be the same as item 1, but I list it separately because it might be a special certification. I want to be able to do the “no stop on right turn.” This seems to work for both lights and standing stop-signs.
- Apparently, someone installed a Romulan Cloaking Device in my car. While I can see times where this might be handy, in my life I have no need of a stealthy getaway. Please remove it: I would prefer that other drivers could see me, and not pull out right in front of me.
- I want the people who design drive up ATMs to realize that not everyone drives a monster truck, and therefore, not all ATMs need to be seven feet above the ground. I hate having to stand on top of my Honda Accord to see the screen.
- I want a hovercraft. The only pain in my commute is the fact that I have to cross the river, and that means I have to sit in slow traffic, waiting to get across bridges. I either need a hovercraft, or someone needs to put up a few more bridges.
That’s it. I think my wishes are simple–at least as simple as world peace.