A cultural observation
I did something dumb, but I did it before I realized it. I was merging onto a freeway, and I managed to (unintentionally) cut someone off. There was some road construction that was unmarked at the entrance ramp, and that narrowed the highway down to two lanes. Somehow, in all the mess, I failed to see him.
As he passed me, he waved with the universal gesture, meaning “Pardon me, but I find your driving poor and your intellect limited.” Or something like that.
So, here’s the thing: I knew I was wrong. In any other setting I would have apologized and taken full responsibility. It occurred to me that we have many hand gestures to express our irritation with someone stupid (in this case, me), but we have no hand gestures (or none that I could think of) that mean “I’m sorry, I was wrong, and I know it, but it was an honest mistake.”
In our culture, our non-verbal communication is generally combative, generally expressing the idea that “I’m right and you are a moron.” Not only do we lack subltety, we have no way to express any self-deprecating (read that as: “accurate/humble”) assessment of ourselves. Our non-verbals are unashamedly arrogant–we have a cultural bias that allows us to believe that we are always right. When I’m not right, and I’m willing to admit it, there is no obvious way to express that.
This bothered me for a most of the day. I offended someone without intending to, and the truth is that for all my curmudgeonliness, I still have a compassionate streak.
As I’ve thought about this, I realized that most of the language of our culture suffers the same malady. We are afflicted with a false assurance that we are right and noble, I say afflicted because, I believe, we are generally blind to it. Apologies are rare (even when warranted), and we are generally convinced of our own goodness, worthiness, and entitled-ness. Like gestures on the road of life, we rarely discern the truth about ourselves. And on those rare times that we do, we don’t even have the ability to express it.
Arrogance is death to leadership. Or as the Bible puts it:
Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.
– Proverbs 16:18